The Great Plan

If it's one thing that I have learned in the past few years its that I am an ever evolving person. The person that I am today is not the person that I was a year ago. When I think about who I was a year ago, I see who I am now and I feel thankful. I feel thankful that my Creator, my Father gives the gift of grace daily. He looks at me and He sees me beyond the mess, beyond the sin. He sees my heart and He sees the person He created me to be. When I think about who I could be a year from now I have no idea what to expect. No idea at all. I know that I can set goals for myself and have certain things that I want to accomplish, but in the grand scheme of things it is God that directs my path.

I found a letter I wrote to myself my Junior year of High School just before I turned 16. I was in a Creative Writing class and had to write a letter to the "future me" and tell myself everything that I should have accomplished by the time I was 25. I can say that 2 of the 6 things have happened. I finished high school and college... but I am not married/engaged, I don't have my Masters in Teaching and I am not a Kindergarten teacher. Instead I have evolved into a completely different person. I have the most precious of all occupations, I do something that I love and enjoy. I might not be married or on my way there but I do know that when that day comes that it will be something that God ordains, I can't force happiness.

I'm learning that the evolution of life, the way it unfolds is truly a miracle of God. If we were left to our own understanding and ability to reason we most likely would be a mess. Not that life isn't messy, because it is most definitely messy. But the ability we have as Christians to intentionally make the decision to follow God and walk with Him through life is irreplaceable. Jeremiah 1:5 is one of my favorite verses, it says "Before I formed you in your mother's womb, I knew you and set you apart".

Never forget that God has a plan for you, a plan that transcends all understanding.

Say What You Need To Say

"Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say"

- John Mayer, Say

This song was released in a very tumultuous time in my life. I remember the countless hours I spent listening to this song, wishing that somehow I would be able to "say what I needed to say".

About a year and a half ago (I was about to turn 22) I had a complete emotional breakdown. Looking back on it I like to say that that is when my life caught up to me. I found comfort in few things and the one thing that I found solace in was this song. I had let people walk all over me my entire life. People that were supposed to have my best interests at heart walked in and walked out of my life. It was in this time period that I learned so much about the term "journey" and how we are all on one. I learned about the road I traveled and the choices that I needed to make about who walked with me. The most important choice I had to make was to let God in and surrender all of my animosity and let Him work on my heart. Even though this is not a "christian" song, I really felt God speaking to me through these lyrics. I really felt like my faith was broken and that I had reached the bottom. For me to "say what I needed to say" would require a tremendous amount of courage. Especially with who I needed to say these things to. Somewhere in this growing process I found a backbone, I was finally able come out from the wall I was hiding behind and be completely real with people.

I challenge you to really let God speak to you and for you always to "say what you need to say". People will always let you down, that is the reality of life. God tells us over and over again that He is with us, that He will protect us and that He believes in us. This is not dependent on how the world views us and treats us, this is a promise made to us because He is God and He is all that matters in the grand scheme of things. Never be afraid to "say what you need to say". God uses His spirit to speak to you and through you. Be encouraged.