Beauty In The Mistakes?

this is an excerpt from my journal from a while back..


- " i think about how much time i spent worrying in past times and i'm realizing that I worried so much because i know that if things did not turn out just as i needed them to then people would know that I don't have it all together or figured out.

I really feel like God has allowed me to reach rock bottom because He really has a message for me. the crazy thing is that i already know what the message is... I HAVE to be completely dependent on God and not on myself or others. me not trusting God has gotten me to where I am today. Because of my inability to trust God I am unable to see beauty in the mistakes.

WOW.

Beauty in the mistakes? is there such a thing? can hope gather at the bottom and be enough to pull you out? what about this whole idea of choosing Joy? is choosing Joy finding beauty in the mistakes? Is choosing Joy finding true and complete contentment in the identity I hold in Christ? Joy really is a choice because it is never the absolute it is an option. So what is the difference between feeling sorry for yourself and really taking the route of being transparent and honest in your life? Isn't there joy in the honesty? maybe not joy about the discovery, but at least with the discovery comes the option of canceling out the option of having to wear a mask and keep the walls up."